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Pet Sins July 2000

Mother of a black-Asian child abused and rejected by family

I am first generation Chinese American. My parents were from China and HK. They came here around the early 60's or so. I was born in SF 1972. From my earliest memory my father has always hated the blacks and felt they were all animals. He forbade me to ever marry a black. I had a grandmother who forbade me to ever marry a Japanese man. As long as I could remember I have always liked blacks and felt a close affinity with them. Perhaps it was because I was always the black sheep of the family.

To make a long story short, I was engaged to marry a black med student at Stanford University when I was in my early 20s and my father gave me hell for that and I stupidly did not go through with the marriage. Less than a year later I was pregnant out of wedlock with a child whose biological father who was a mixture of black, white and Native American. He moved out of where we were living when I was 6 weeks pregnant and has been completely uninvolved in his life. I did not tell my father immediately but as soon as he found out he flew out to get me to go back to China with him to get a 3rd trimester abortion. I was adamant against it and he locked me in a room and kept me from food for several days. He also became physically abusive to me - trying to push me down the stairs. He never forgave me and went back to China.

When the baby was born 9-16-94, he told everyone that I died in a car accident. He called and told me never to call him and that he was ashamed that a child of his tainted the blood of his family and that he would never acknowledge my bastard n----- child. I basically supported myself after that living in a converted garage in East Oakland, CA. I worked three jobs to pay rent and food. I received governmental assistance once the baby was born. I had no contact with him thereafter until I married a white older man. He finally came to the wedding but he still did not acknowledge my son's existence. He told my brother that he accepts my other children with my white husband but not my son. My son is now 7 years old and I call him my beautiful rainbow baby.

My mother was divorced and remarried to a half Chinese White person and was a little more open about the situation. She never helped in terms of finances and providing a safe shelter. Although she says that it is fine, she never tells anyone what race her grandson is and just say he is mixed. She also told me not to tell my son what his race he is and who his father was. Of course by now I have some sense and my son knows everything about himself.

I just wanted to share this with someone and I am glad this website exists. Can you connect me with other families similar to mine? I know a lot of Asian-Black children suffer greatly as well as the mother. It was a very lonely dark time in my life where I should have been rejoicing. I know of one other person who went through similar situation although she was black and was with a Chinese man. The father is involved-only monetary wise and has never told his parents about his beautiful daughter. I am just thankful each day that I have my beautiful son. He has thick straight black coarse hair and beautiful dark mocha skin. He has large round "Asian" eyes with long girlie eyelashes, huge and wide feet, a large sized bottom and a somewhat wide nose. He actually looks more Asian than Black though. He is getting pretty tall (considered a gigantic in my family) and muscular. He is extremely musical, athletic and artistic. He is just a cutie pie you would ever see.

C., San Ramon, CA