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Pet Sins July 2002

Indian woman terminates friendship with lesbian who helped her fight cancer

I met [this Asian Indian lady] when I moved to [state name] to work. She was also new to the place and borrowed local guide books from me. She told her she had been fighting thyroid cancer for a while. I had some anticarcinogenic herbs. Since she appeared to be in physical discomfort, I gave her all the herbs. After consuming them for 2 weeks, she told me the lumps in her throat had subsided and she felt better.

We became friends and she often visited me to complain about her work. When her other friends blew her off, she would call me to complain too. Other than her calling or visiting me to complain about her friends or her work, or to borrow something, we had no other contact. I felt I was being used as a "backup friend" but I tolerated her because she was a very fearful person and needed someone to talk to.

I decided to test the "friendship" by telling her I was lesbian. She was polite to my face but the day after, she returned all the things she had borrowed from me by mail. She wrote she had to terminate the friendship because of my sexual orientation. I was angry and disgusted at her ungratefulness. I basically helped save her life. She also didn't have the guts to tell me to my face. All this, however, was in keeping with my first impressions of her.

She often complained of racism in her workplace, whining about how she felt excluded from social activities and friendly interactions by her white co-workers. Then why can't she see what a bigot she is when she does the same thing to homosexual people? I don't think she has the right to complain about other people's prejudices if she clings to her own.

Some of you straight people reading this are probably already pointing the finger of accusation back at the lesbian. You probably think, "Oh, there must be more to it than what is described above. Maybe the lesbian made a pass at her so she was uncomfortable and terminated the friendship." Well, I am sorry to have to disabuse you of that notion. What would a young, athletic lady who had both male and female admirers want with a physically unappealing, hunchbacked, overly-selfish older woman?

I did not *show* her my "orientation". I told her upfront I am a lesbian. It was a test. She failed it. I am glad that this "friend" chose to leave my life.

Asian lesbian
1996