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Pet Sins May 2003

White women react to Asian man-black/Hispanic woman relationship

I read your article on White reactions to interracial unions between people of color. I notice that it was mentioned how many White American men feel that they cannot relate to the male figure in the "minority interracial couple". I have been through the experience of severe disapproval from some White American women in my situation. It was so odd, because I had never even imagined such a thing existed! Until I actually experienced it myself for the very first time!

My boyfriend is Asian. I met him 5 years ago. When we first started dating, he didn't reveal it to anyone. I went to his job one time to surprise him. He had 2 white female coworkers that worked near him at a smoothie bar. The two women gave me the strangest look when I asked for him. They told me that he had to run an errand, and they coldly stared and whispered to each other. I didn't really understand it, and just sorta shrugged it off as no big deal.

Later on my boyfriend told me that those white female coworkers told him that a "Black girl" came over to ask for him. They told him, "You had better be careful of blacks and hispanics in this town. They are dangerous". They had no idea that I was his girlfriend, and they were also ignorant to say such a thing. I was kinda angry that they judged me right away like that. They didn't even know me. My boyfriend just laughed it off, he said not to worry about it.

In the next few months, the two women began to flirt very heavily with my boyfriend and call his cell phone for non-work-related conversation. He told them that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, in a relationship. One girl said "Are you sure she's half Puerto Rican? Because she looks black to me."

It got worse - while my boyfriend and I were sleeping at 2am in the morning, one of the female coworkers came knocking at his door. I answered, and she looked very shocked and went away. I was outraged at this behavior.

Eventually my boyfriend transfered to another workplace with mostly Korean and Mexican employees. We haven't had any disturbances or situations like we had with the white female coworkers. His new co-workers have seen me and don't have a problem with me whatsoever.

My boyfriend said that he didn't understand why those women were behaving the way they did. I have tried to explain it to him, but he doesn't quite get it. He just thought maybe it was a "female jealousy" thing. But it was a deeper issue. It's disgusting. Why should those white females care if I was in a relationship with him? He's Asian, and I'm Black/Puerto Rican. Where does this even involve them? It seems it would have had absolutely nothing to do with them.

I wonder if there are any African American or Hispanic women who have had similar experiences? When I think back on it, it still bothers me, because I just don't understand it.

R.
3/2003

Comment from 'G.'
Your article is only one of the cases I know to be a growing problem. Although your message was posted up 2 years ago, still these sought of reactions of people towards Black/Brown/Asian relationships is ongoing. I was dating a Chinese girl whom I was madly in love with. I wanted to be with her for life!. Although her parents knew of my existence, I was not accepted because I am not what they wanted for their daughter. I understood that what parent wouldn't want the best for their daughter? Attempts to build a good relationship with her parents never worked; whatever I tried to do was ignored, so I felt. Eventually this became too stressful in our relationship, the last thing I wanted was for her to be torn between parents and me. Her parents I later found out preferred thier daughter to marry either an Asian or a European. I'm Samoan so I didn't qualify. What I have learnt from all this is that to some cultures if your not white or fair-skinned than you must be poor and uneducated! One thing is for sure, skin colour does speak volumes! Since then, we have ended our relationship. Iam now working in Japan in the area of Education and I also see the same "idol worship" of Europeans here too. As for my one love she is now dating a European guy. To all you Black/Brown people dating Asian people, more power to you!

4/2006