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Pet Sins March 2004

An Asian man's perspective on the Asian woman-white man syndrome

I really enjoyed reading the "Fallout of the White-Yellow Love Fest" article. It was great and very accurate on information. I am a 32-year-old single, Philippine-born but American-raised journalist. As a typical Filipino male, I'm every bit as frustrated as my fellow Filipino and Asian brothers who see their women running off with white men. It's obvious that the society we live in is bent on strengthening the dominant White male stereotype. After all, White skin represents power, success and true physical beauty, right? Most Asian women who date White men usually exhibit a lack of pride in their own culture and carry this ridiculous belief that engaging in such a relationship will move them up the social ladder. It's very evident with most Filipino females who date White men. A lot of them act as if I should be kissing the ground that they walk on because of their alleged acceptance into European royalty.

But we Filipinos and other Asian nationalities have our faults as well. Being a journalist, I could write a book about how Asian men need to step up and start treating their own women with respect. Asian women and their lack of cultural pride is not the only reason why they walk away from us. But whatever the reason, I believe everyone has the right to make their own choices. If you choose a life partner for the wrong reasons, karma will see to it that you pay the price for such a bad decision. I have seen the results:

A Filipino couple close to my father's family who wanted to badly integrate into white society ended up forcing their children to assimilate. The kids grew up favoring white culture over their own--and they lived in Manila. They attended American schools in the Philippines, spoke English with impeccable American accents, distanced themselves from their fellow Filipinos and learned not one word of Pilipino, the national language. All three kids married whites, and their parents were living in ecstacy. A couple years ago, the daughter--who already gave birth to three children--divorced her white-U.S. Air Force-officer husband because of marital infidelities ... The husband had been cheating on her with a black female officer.

In the meantime, Asian men are seen as nerdy, computer geeks with few balls who aren't worth the time. And if they are seen in any other light, it's usually considered out of the ordinary and unrealistic.

Take the Asian character on the Star Trek television series for example. He's always alone, can never get a woman and always has serious personal issues. It's not easy being a man from the East in White society.

In the media--which I am a part of, White men-Asian women unions are always used as subjects for interracial relationships. It's okay for White men to date whoever they want, but if it were non-White men dating White women, it's considered taboo. My fellow media communications buddies are of no help at all to my dilemma.

Several years ago, a show on WB--I believe--called Vanishing Son starred Chinese-American actor Russell Wong (who is half Caucasian, thanks to a blond-and-blue-eyed mother). Wong went around the country fighting bad guys, and pretty much had the pickings of sleeping with any woman he wanted--and they were mostly White women. The show was cancelled after a short run on the air, and I believe it was because of Wong's female choices. I don't doubt the controversy surrounding an Asian male television lead winning over the White female every week on the show. It's kicking the White male ego right where it counts. If it had been Asian women, the show would have made it. Since it wasn't, the scripts ended up in the trash.

My bad experiences with Asian females (they were all hung-up on social and economic status) in the Chicago area and Whitebread Midwest has opened my eyes towards other women of color, and, yes, Caucasian women, too, in recent years. For a long time, I was very set on marrying an Asian woman, but I have now learned that it's not my choice to make, but the Creator's. I've opened my eyes and have seen other beauties that are out there. It's a great feeling to know that there are so many wonderful choices!

We need to learn to start loving each other. We need to stop using physical appearance as a measuring stick for one's worth as a human being. There really is only one race: The human race.

E.
2/2003