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Pet Sins March 2004

A white male's 2 cents on AWWM and WWBM

I dated a few Asian women while I was in graduate school and afterwards, but now live with my white gf of several years. I really get tired of some of the BS I see on web sites about this issue. One of the irritating often-repeated claims is that white guys look at Asian women as "exotic". The typical in-college or college-educated white guy under age 50 has, at this point in history, come across hundreds of Asian women -- they might have been "exotic" say as late as the 1950s, but certainly aren't anymore and haven't been for a long time.

White guys are attracted to Asian women because they are very intelligent, beautiful, and feminine -- no more complicated a reason than that. White women, on the other hand, are very frequently shallow, self-centered, and feminist -- all turnoffs.

Also, there seem to be lots of white women who want to go after black men -- white guys are often baffled as to why - particularly when black guys have a rep for treating women like crap. Of course, there are many women with low self-esteem who incredibly WANT to be treated like crap. Just my two cents worth.


Comment from 'K.'
Broad-based generalizations about entire 'races' of people being smarter, prettier or generally more desirable partners for dating than others limit our vision and tar whole groups of people with a broad brush. I don't believe in making dating choices based even in part on race. Lord knows there are so few good people in the world already, and we have to limit the pool even more with arbitrary filters like race?

Comment from 'Black woman'
The writer seems to be intent on stereotyping people -- for example, "white women" are "very frequently" shallow, self-centered, etc. I raised my eyebrows at the "feminist" comment -- could he be threatened by assertive, self-confident women? As for the remarks about black men -- this is racist. Not all black men treat women like "crap." In fact, there's been some very high-profile cases in the news, for example, the Laci Peterson story, about white men who have treated white women very badly. I'm sure there're white women out there who aren't shallow, Asian women who are "feminist," and black men who treat women with dignity and respect. The bottom line is -- people are individuals, and should be treated as such, not as stereotypes.

Comment from 'Asian woman'
I want to address the point about Asian women not being seen as exotic by white men, and also the point about black men having a reputation for treating women like crap. I agree that white American men are more used to the sight of Asians now than they were 50 years ago. But that does not mean they don't see Asians as 'different' even though they may not find them extremely 'exotic'. I don't want people to prefer to date me because of my race, even if my race is not the entire reason they want to date me. I just want to be given the same opportunities as any other person, black, white, brown or purple.

I've met a number of white men who express an interest in me primarily for the fact that I am culturally different from them. And the fact that the writer of this article generalizes white and Asian women differently shows that he values Asian women for certain stereotypical perceived cultural differences.

I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that. True, there were a few good white men who viewed me no different from the next person, and focus on my skills, knowledge and training instead of whether I have 'pretty slitty eyes' or a 'polite', 'gentle' upbringing. But I've met a higher percentage of black men than white men whom I'm truly comfortable with - people who really make me feel that my race is not even an issue (for better or for worse) with them.

Based on my experience, I really cannot agree with the view that black men in general treat women like crap. Of course there are some black men who treat women badly. There are men of any race, including white men, who treat women like crap. Some of my Asian girl friends stick with white boyfriends who treat them like crap - that doesn't sound 'intelligent' to me, if the author is claiming Asian women are more 'intelligent' than white women.

Comment from 'biracial boy'
A comment on the white guy's idea that "Asian women ... are very intelligent, beautiful, and feminine": What can he possibly mean by that? That non-Asian women are not as intelligent as Asian women? That all Asian women, or at least most Asian women, are beautiful and feminine? Oh please! Asian women are not any more intelligent, beautiful and feminine than any other kind of woman, from what I've seen. 'Race' is an arbitrary construct anyway.

And the whole idea of what is beautiful, and what is feminine, is highly subjective. Just look at how standards of beauty vary in different countries, and even within the same country in different time periods. How can anyone claim that one kind of people is more beautiful than others?