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Pet Sins January 2006

Black women abandoned by all? The marriageability ladder in America

Where I come from, there are definitely a lot more black men dating white women than white men dating black women. Some of these black guys deliberately date white women. They don't want to date black women.

So these black men marry these white women and have children by them. And you see these black guys in the mall with their half-white kids, and they're all hugging and kissing them, and showing them off. And you see other black guys with "pure black" kids who are not touching their kids as much. Seems like they are not as proud of them.

Sometimes you see a very cute man of color with a not-so-good-looking white woman. Some of these guys pick out homely girls because they think the women will have low self-esteem and be willing to cook and clean for them. They assume the woman might think she won't be able to find someone else as cute, and will do anything to cling onto the relationship.

To white people, it is more acceptable for white women to marry black men because women supposedly do not matter in the family tree. White men have to carry on the family line, so it is important for them to marry white women. A white boy I knew in high school wanted to take my sister to the prom. When his brother found out, he beat him up very badly.

There is so much hype about black men being so oppressed; but I think black women are even more so. Sometimes I feel that black women are the most unwanted people in the world. White men do not want to date black women; black men do not want to date black women. Even black women do not want to date other black women. They want to date Spanish or white girls. People are willing to use black women for a good time, but they are not willing to marry them.


Comment from 'A.'

Who says white men don't wish to marry black women? It's NOT FAIR to put it that way. I've dated as many black ladies as I have white or native American ladies. We ARE the three races who mostly make up America! It so happens I'm dating a beautiful black lady now, and if things keep going as well as they have been, we will soon get married. I was married once before, and have been divorced for 17 years,so by that reasoning, you know I'm NO YOUNG man. I'm 53, my lady friend is 31, and we love each other. God made ALL the races, and when he looked down on His creation, He found us ALL to be good. I don't love Jen because she's black, I love her for her heart, her caring, her mind and soul as well as for her looks, and it just so happens she's black and I'm white. I know I won't feel ashamed, and I know JEN WON'T feel ashamed either, because we're an interracial couple ready to tie the knot. If someone doesn't like it, they can look the other way because we hold hands and show affection for each other when we go out whether it's to the mall, or to dinner, or go dancing. I love Jen and know she loves me so what else matters?


Comment from 'Mark in Texas'
I can't speak for all white guys, but having dated 11 black women (and only one white woman) in the last five years, and proposed marriage to one, I can tell you that I love the fire and strength of personality I find in black women. I truly appreciate these ladies for what they bring to the table, and in fact I'm crazy about these strong-willed sisters and have spent the time necessary to get to know how to relate to them.

I'm not a gen-x'er (42) so I get some weird looks here in the Dallas area, which is noted for being highly racially polarized. In spite of this, I've talked to numerous other white guys in my age group who tell me they would like to date black women but can't seem to get anywhere. Attitudes ARE changing, even here in the south, but like all change, it's occurring slowly. I think in the next ten years we will see as many black woman/white man relationships as we now see white woman/black man relationships.